So, i have found a good idea for this crazy novel writing adventure i will be embarking on starting monday.
It will not be sci-fi/fantasy.
I decided to write a novel that may be a little more appealing to any of you who dislike sci-fi/fantasy.
PLEASE, if you read this, leave advice, suggestions, pick-me-ups, criticism, anything. Just sign your name so i know who it is, okay?
DON'T BE BASHFUL! LEAVE COMMENTS!
-allie-
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
I Must be Crazy
I decided to particpate in NaNoWriMo.
It is a writing competition, where I will have ONE month to write some semblance of a novel, of at least 50,000 words. Let's see if I can do.
I need some encouragement, because i really want to do this, yet don't have the time. i will, of course, post what i have written as I get it done, so READ and COMMENT! and be nice!
I think I am crazy for doing this.
Wish me luck, i begin November first.
-allie-
It is a writing competition, where I will have ONE month to write some semblance of a novel, of at least 50,000 words. Let's see if I can do.
I need some encouragement, because i really want to do this, yet don't have the time. i will, of course, post what i have written as I get it done, so READ and COMMENT! and be nice!
I think I am crazy for doing this.
Wish me luck, i begin November first.
-allie-
Monday, October 25, 2004
Death Catchers-Chapter 3
note: This AGAIN is unedited. This also marks the end of my...postworthy chapters to Death Catchers. I have a couple more, but they need some serious work first. Enjoy...
Outside of the motel, it was dark and smoky. The street was littered with garbage and refuse, a dirty bum sleeping in it a few steps away from where Liam and I were hiding in shadow. We blended in well with the local color, our outfits even matching that of the local weirdoes.
I yawned as we leaned against the brick wall of the motel, the weariness of the day settling into my bones. We returned to the castle shortly after collecting Jennifer’s soul. We returned hers and that of the three older people to their respective rooms. Liam had come into the rooms with me, resting his back against the door as I released them and smashed the vials. After releasing them, we ate a quiet dinner and said little to each other. An hour later, here we were, waiting for a Carlos Garcia, a boy of about seventeen.
I hated these collections most. The young people my age. However, it wasn’t just their age that got to me. It was the drugs. It’s a known fact that with certain drugs you can hallucinate or become, “out of your body.” With that happening, we could be seen easily by those under the influence of drugs. I hated that fact that high druggies could see me and I could do nothing about it.
A dirty white van pulled into the parking lot on our right and a group of scraggily teenagers emerged. It was four girls and four boys and I sank farther into the shadows as they passed, assuming at least one of them was already high. After they entered, I count to ten and grabbed Liam’s arm, pulling him behind me into the motel.
The group was at the check in desk. A couple of the girls were sitting in nasty stained armchairs by the elevator. They looked scared to be in this trashy of a place, but one was roaming the room with her eyes. She was making me nervous and I tried to hide behind the partition and watch Carlos at the same time. I felt the hairs rise on the back of my neck and I turned to her. She made eyes contact and her eyes widened. I pulled back behind the partition, hiding Liam and myself from view until I heard the elevator ring and them enter.
“What are we doing back here?” he muttered it softly, so no one would hear are voices and get spooked, although the only other person in the lobby was a very pregnant woman sleeping on an old couch.
“That girl was staring at me, I got creeped out.” I shuddered and I felt his arm slide around me, pulling me into his chest, as an older man walked past us. Breathing him in, he swiveled his head around the partition.
“Don’t worry, this will be done soon and we can go home. Let’s go.” We walked carefully across the tiled floor, making sure our shoes didn’t make too much noise. Slipping the door to the stairs open quietly, we slid into the stairwell silently and pushed it shut. Sighing with relief, we started up the stairs. We climbed slowly, careful to make sure none of them squeaked to give us away. Stopping on the landing to their floor, I felt my stomach flutter. He stood beside me as we took a breather, eyes glinting in the dim light.
“Liam, I’m nervous for some reason.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Why?” I lowered my head.
“Because my gut is telling me something bad is going to happen in there.” I could feel it, in both my stomach and my bones. There was something waiting for us in that room. “I’m going to call the Leadership.”
Reaching into the depths of my cloak, I pulled out my call pad. It was flat, only as thick as a few sheets of paper and 4 inches square. A small screen and a row of buttons were on its surface and I pushed one of them and waited. Liam rested his chin on my shoulder as I waited. In a few seconds, Nathaniel’s face appeared.
“Yes Karolin?” he looked tired.
“Is now a bad time?” He glared at me before softening his face. “Yes, it might be. Carol screwed up, so now we have to deal with the consequences.” On the inside, I was smiling at this.
“What did she do?”
“Oh, just made herself visible in a crowd of humans and freaked out, the usual.” His eyes were tired and seemed angry. “What can I do for you?”
“I have a bad feeling about this collection.” His mouth turned to a frown. He typed something on the pad in front of him and twisted his mouth.
“It’s a boy by the name of Carlos Garcia, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you have a bad feeling?”
“I don’t know, I just do. When we were in the lobby, one of the girls saw us and since then I have been feeling nervous about this.” He nodded and thought about this for a few seconds. Problems happened with collections all the time. If a Death Catcher thought the situation was too dangerous, we let the soul fly up first, and then caught it in flight. It was difficult to do, but certain times merited this. Usually, we only tried to do this if the threat of death to the Catcher was apparent. Yes, we can die again, but if we do, we simply disappear, no soul, nothing. It was not something any of us wished for. And personally, I was not ready to disappear.
“Alright, well, I can’t sense or see anything in the room, so go in.” I started to open my mouth but he held up a hand. “Just go Karolin and don’t dawdle as you usually do.”
His face disappeared and I closed my eyes in frustration. I knew I was putting both Liam and myself in danger, but I would do as I was told. Opening my eyes, Liam stood on front of me.
“Let’s go Liam.” He nodded solemnly, knowing I was pissed off at Nathaniel.
We exited the stairwell and found ourselves in a disgusting hallway. As we stood, orienting ourselves, a rat crossed in front of us and dove behind a door.
“Disgusting…” Liam muttered it very quietly. It was then I remembered that Liam had always hated rats. Shaking that thought from my head, I turned in the direction of the room and walked quietly.
Their door was open and I could see them snorting and swallowing pills. A couple was making out on the dirty bed and another was going at it on the floor. The creepy girl was no where to be seen. Seeing my chance, I dove into a corner just inside the door, shielding myself from this view. Liam was waiting outside, prepared to help if I needed it. All of them were high, and all able to see me collect Carlos’ soul. They were going to attack me, I knew it. I checked my watch, only one more minute before I needed to reveal myself and cross the room.
I could hear more rats scuttling in the wall behind me and I shuddered. This place was disgusting. I don’t know how people could come here. It was then that I saw her, her hollow eyes peering at me from her spot in the corner. She said nothing, but I knew she could see me. She didn’t move, she didn’t twitch. I raised a finger to my lips, making the “shh” motion. She nodded, her stringy blonde hair covering her cheeks, but her hollow eyes till watched. Something was wrong, I could feel it.
One more look at my watch told me it was time and I stepped out of my corner. No one saw me at first as I walked across the room to Carlos’ body, sprawled on the bed. The couple on the floor no longer had clothes on and I stepped gingerly over them. Another girl was glaring at me from her perch next to Carlos. I caught the reflection of Liam in the mirror. He was waiting just inside the door, out of sight of those in the room.
Taking the vial out of a pocket, I uncorked it, and held it to Carlos’ finger just as the brown light poured out. Catching it, I corked it quickly and found myself being held by the girl with the hollow eyes.
“What are you doing to Carlos?” her grip was strong and her bony fingers were digging into me. I shook my head at Liam who was entering the room. No need for him to reveal himself too. Trying to shake her grip, I managed to shove the vial deep in a pocket without her noticing.
Pulling away from her, I tripped and landed on the bed next to Carlos. She hovered over me, hollow eyes boring into me and it was then I realized she didn’t have the red rimmed eyes as the rest of them did. She wasn’t high…but then, how did she see me? Spooked, I stood and started to leave, but she tackled me, forcing me into the middle of the sex on the floor. Suppressing a gag, I tried to force the three people away from me, and I saw Liam in the mirror, doing as I told him and staying hidden, although his eyes were wide with indecision. The girl’s eyes were dark as she appeared above me with a knife.
I screamed and struggled against her grip, but it was to no avail as it plunged into my stomach and she screamed.
“You hurt Carlos you bitch!” Her screams were louder as her friend from the bed tried to wake Carlos but couldn’t. Pain radiated from my stomach and I could feel my blood pouring out of me and onto the floor. Her knife was still in my vision as I struggled to get away, weak and tired. Rolling over, I caught Liam’s hand and he pulled me out into the hallway, the girl holding onto my feet, and blood streaking the carpet behind me. My stomach was on fire and I was screaming along with the girl. Liam looked panicked as he kicked the girl off me, and tried to pick me up as the others in the room came tumbling out.
I could see my blood everywhere as he ran down the hallway with me in his arms. I felt so weak, so detached. Looking over his shoulder, I saw them running after us, rats hurrying to get of the way of their pounding feet. I was dizzy, pain overwhelming me as Liam dove out of the window at the end of the hall, glass shattering in every direction as he flew high into the air.
I could see the city lights begin to blur and feel the wind on my body as I succumbed to the pain.
I awoke to Liam and Shannon hovering over me. I wasn’t in my bed and as I turned my head, I realized I was in a dark room and Carol was in the bed next to me, her cheeks pasty white.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” I lifted my hand and pointed to her.
“She’s milking it after hearing you got stabbed.” Shannon smiled as she said it. “I can see you’re feeling better now, you got your feistiness back.”
“Nothing can keep me down long.” I struggled to sit, but gasped as waves of pain shot through my stomach and traveled throughout my body. “Maybe I should stay lying down.”
Liam’s eyes widened a little as I nodded. His face was covered in a shaggy beard. Pointing at it, he grabbed my hand.
“Where did that thing come from? It’s nasty.” He smiled at my comment, still holding my hand in his.
“I’ve been sitting here for four days waiting for you to wake up.” His eyes were so solemn, the blue misted over.
“Ah. I see.” I fell quiet, my stomach still throbbing from my earlier movement. Shannon was eyeing Liam suspiciously and I could see Carol’s eyes open, watching us, well, watching Liam.
“I need to get going Karolin; you take care of yourself, okay?” Shannon brushed my hair from face as she spoke and left, her cloak swishing around her. Reaching Carol’s bed, she “accidentally” kicked it, sending Carol into obviously fake moans and spasms. Stifling a laugh, I brought my gaze back to Liam and smiled.
“Did you miss me?” I smiled, so he would see the humor.
“No, not at all.” He grinned back and we sat there for a while, whispering and talking. It grew silent and my eyes grew heavy.
“I wanted to tell you, they reassigned me. I’m working with Kellen.”
“Who’s that? I don’t recognize the name.”
“He’s from another Clan, like me. I guess your Leadership figured we could figure out the city together. With you and Carol being hurt, they were short Death Catchers.”
“Oh…so they replaced me, huh?”
“I guess.” His childish smile returned. “Although, Kellen isn’t as feisty and obnoxious as you. Darn, I’m missing out.”
“Not funny Liam.”
We grew quiet again, and the discomfort grew. Why was Liam still here? Sure, we had a tender moment back in the diner, but I didn’t know him, not like I did. Time changes people. How could I expect to keep hold of the relationship we once had.
“Karolin?” I looked up at my name. “We’re different people now, aren’t we?”
“Yes. I’ve changed.”
“I thought it would be so easy once I found you,” He turned his head away as he talked; “I thought you would run into my arms and everything would be the same as it once was. But that’s not going to happen. It takes time.”
“I guess it does.” He returned to my eyes, but he didn’t look sad. And I didn’t feel sad.
“I think we have to start over. As friends, and see if we happen again.” I nodded, not knowing what to say. “We’ll be good friends. I promise.”
“I promise too, but on one condition.”
“What?” I let a grin out.
“You save me a seat at dinner.” He laughed and Carol shot a nasty glance at me. Ignoring her, I said goodbye to Liam and settled deep into the bed. We were friends, nothing more. And maybe as friends, I could forget him being such a distraction and find that girl with the hollow eyes. How had she seen me?
Outside of the motel, it was dark and smoky. The street was littered with garbage and refuse, a dirty bum sleeping in it a few steps away from where Liam and I were hiding in shadow. We blended in well with the local color, our outfits even matching that of the local weirdoes.
I yawned as we leaned against the brick wall of the motel, the weariness of the day settling into my bones. We returned to the castle shortly after collecting Jennifer’s soul. We returned hers and that of the three older people to their respective rooms. Liam had come into the rooms with me, resting his back against the door as I released them and smashed the vials. After releasing them, we ate a quiet dinner and said little to each other. An hour later, here we were, waiting for a Carlos Garcia, a boy of about seventeen.
I hated these collections most. The young people my age. However, it wasn’t just their age that got to me. It was the drugs. It’s a known fact that with certain drugs you can hallucinate or become, “out of your body.” With that happening, we could be seen easily by those under the influence of drugs. I hated that fact that high druggies could see me and I could do nothing about it.
A dirty white van pulled into the parking lot on our right and a group of scraggily teenagers emerged. It was four girls and four boys and I sank farther into the shadows as they passed, assuming at least one of them was already high. After they entered, I count to ten and grabbed Liam’s arm, pulling him behind me into the motel.
The group was at the check in desk. A couple of the girls were sitting in nasty stained armchairs by the elevator. They looked scared to be in this trashy of a place, but one was roaming the room with her eyes. She was making me nervous and I tried to hide behind the partition and watch Carlos at the same time. I felt the hairs rise on the back of my neck and I turned to her. She made eyes contact and her eyes widened. I pulled back behind the partition, hiding Liam and myself from view until I heard the elevator ring and them enter.
“What are we doing back here?” he muttered it softly, so no one would hear are voices and get spooked, although the only other person in the lobby was a very pregnant woman sleeping on an old couch.
“That girl was staring at me, I got creeped out.” I shuddered and I felt his arm slide around me, pulling me into his chest, as an older man walked past us. Breathing him in, he swiveled his head around the partition.
“Don’t worry, this will be done soon and we can go home. Let’s go.” We walked carefully across the tiled floor, making sure our shoes didn’t make too much noise. Slipping the door to the stairs open quietly, we slid into the stairwell silently and pushed it shut. Sighing with relief, we started up the stairs. We climbed slowly, careful to make sure none of them squeaked to give us away. Stopping on the landing to their floor, I felt my stomach flutter. He stood beside me as we took a breather, eyes glinting in the dim light.
“Liam, I’m nervous for some reason.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Why?” I lowered my head.
“Because my gut is telling me something bad is going to happen in there.” I could feel it, in both my stomach and my bones. There was something waiting for us in that room. “I’m going to call the Leadership.”
Reaching into the depths of my cloak, I pulled out my call pad. It was flat, only as thick as a few sheets of paper and 4 inches square. A small screen and a row of buttons were on its surface and I pushed one of them and waited. Liam rested his chin on my shoulder as I waited. In a few seconds, Nathaniel’s face appeared.
“Yes Karolin?” he looked tired.
“Is now a bad time?” He glared at me before softening his face. “Yes, it might be. Carol screwed up, so now we have to deal with the consequences.” On the inside, I was smiling at this.
“What did she do?”
“Oh, just made herself visible in a crowd of humans and freaked out, the usual.” His eyes were tired and seemed angry. “What can I do for you?”
“I have a bad feeling about this collection.” His mouth turned to a frown. He typed something on the pad in front of him and twisted his mouth.
“It’s a boy by the name of Carlos Garcia, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you have a bad feeling?”
“I don’t know, I just do. When we were in the lobby, one of the girls saw us and since then I have been feeling nervous about this.” He nodded and thought about this for a few seconds. Problems happened with collections all the time. If a Death Catcher thought the situation was too dangerous, we let the soul fly up first, and then caught it in flight. It was difficult to do, but certain times merited this. Usually, we only tried to do this if the threat of death to the Catcher was apparent. Yes, we can die again, but if we do, we simply disappear, no soul, nothing. It was not something any of us wished for. And personally, I was not ready to disappear.
“Alright, well, I can’t sense or see anything in the room, so go in.” I started to open my mouth but he held up a hand. “Just go Karolin and don’t dawdle as you usually do.”
His face disappeared and I closed my eyes in frustration. I knew I was putting both Liam and myself in danger, but I would do as I was told. Opening my eyes, Liam stood on front of me.
“Let’s go Liam.” He nodded solemnly, knowing I was pissed off at Nathaniel.
We exited the stairwell and found ourselves in a disgusting hallway. As we stood, orienting ourselves, a rat crossed in front of us and dove behind a door.
“Disgusting…” Liam muttered it very quietly. It was then I remembered that Liam had always hated rats. Shaking that thought from my head, I turned in the direction of the room and walked quietly.
Their door was open and I could see them snorting and swallowing pills. A couple was making out on the dirty bed and another was going at it on the floor. The creepy girl was no where to be seen. Seeing my chance, I dove into a corner just inside the door, shielding myself from this view. Liam was waiting outside, prepared to help if I needed it. All of them were high, and all able to see me collect Carlos’ soul. They were going to attack me, I knew it. I checked my watch, only one more minute before I needed to reveal myself and cross the room.
I could hear more rats scuttling in the wall behind me and I shuddered. This place was disgusting. I don’t know how people could come here. It was then that I saw her, her hollow eyes peering at me from her spot in the corner. She said nothing, but I knew she could see me. She didn’t move, she didn’t twitch. I raised a finger to my lips, making the “shh” motion. She nodded, her stringy blonde hair covering her cheeks, but her hollow eyes till watched. Something was wrong, I could feel it.
One more look at my watch told me it was time and I stepped out of my corner. No one saw me at first as I walked across the room to Carlos’ body, sprawled on the bed. The couple on the floor no longer had clothes on and I stepped gingerly over them. Another girl was glaring at me from her perch next to Carlos. I caught the reflection of Liam in the mirror. He was waiting just inside the door, out of sight of those in the room.
Taking the vial out of a pocket, I uncorked it, and held it to Carlos’ finger just as the brown light poured out. Catching it, I corked it quickly and found myself being held by the girl with the hollow eyes.
“What are you doing to Carlos?” her grip was strong and her bony fingers were digging into me. I shook my head at Liam who was entering the room. No need for him to reveal himself too. Trying to shake her grip, I managed to shove the vial deep in a pocket without her noticing.
Pulling away from her, I tripped and landed on the bed next to Carlos. She hovered over me, hollow eyes boring into me and it was then I realized she didn’t have the red rimmed eyes as the rest of them did. She wasn’t high…but then, how did she see me? Spooked, I stood and started to leave, but she tackled me, forcing me into the middle of the sex on the floor. Suppressing a gag, I tried to force the three people away from me, and I saw Liam in the mirror, doing as I told him and staying hidden, although his eyes were wide with indecision. The girl’s eyes were dark as she appeared above me with a knife.
I screamed and struggled against her grip, but it was to no avail as it plunged into my stomach and she screamed.
“You hurt Carlos you bitch!” Her screams were louder as her friend from the bed tried to wake Carlos but couldn’t. Pain radiated from my stomach and I could feel my blood pouring out of me and onto the floor. Her knife was still in my vision as I struggled to get away, weak and tired. Rolling over, I caught Liam’s hand and he pulled me out into the hallway, the girl holding onto my feet, and blood streaking the carpet behind me. My stomach was on fire and I was screaming along with the girl. Liam looked panicked as he kicked the girl off me, and tried to pick me up as the others in the room came tumbling out.
I could see my blood everywhere as he ran down the hallway with me in his arms. I felt so weak, so detached. Looking over his shoulder, I saw them running after us, rats hurrying to get of the way of their pounding feet. I was dizzy, pain overwhelming me as Liam dove out of the window at the end of the hall, glass shattering in every direction as he flew high into the air.
I could see the city lights begin to blur and feel the wind on my body as I succumbed to the pain.
I awoke to Liam and Shannon hovering over me. I wasn’t in my bed and as I turned my head, I realized I was in a dark room and Carol was in the bed next to me, her cheeks pasty white.
“What the hell is wrong with her?” I lifted my hand and pointed to her.
“She’s milking it after hearing you got stabbed.” Shannon smiled as she said it. “I can see you’re feeling better now, you got your feistiness back.”
“Nothing can keep me down long.” I struggled to sit, but gasped as waves of pain shot through my stomach and traveled throughout my body. “Maybe I should stay lying down.”
Liam’s eyes widened a little as I nodded. His face was covered in a shaggy beard. Pointing at it, he grabbed my hand.
“Where did that thing come from? It’s nasty.” He smiled at my comment, still holding my hand in his.
“I’ve been sitting here for four days waiting for you to wake up.” His eyes were so solemn, the blue misted over.
“Ah. I see.” I fell quiet, my stomach still throbbing from my earlier movement. Shannon was eyeing Liam suspiciously and I could see Carol’s eyes open, watching us, well, watching Liam.
“I need to get going Karolin; you take care of yourself, okay?” Shannon brushed my hair from face as she spoke and left, her cloak swishing around her. Reaching Carol’s bed, she “accidentally” kicked it, sending Carol into obviously fake moans and spasms. Stifling a laugh, I brought my gaze back to Liam and smiled.
“Did you miss me?” I smiled, so he would see the humor.
“No, not at all.” He grinned back and we sat there for a while, whispering and talking. It grew silent and my eyes grew heavy.
“I wanted to tell you, they reassigned me. I’m working with Kellen.”
“Who’s that? I don’t recognize the name.”
“He’s from another Clan, like me. I guess your Leadership figured we could figure out the city together. With you and Carol being hurt, they were short Death Catchers.”
“Oh…so they replaced me, huh?”
“I guess.” His childish smile returned. “Although, Kellen isn’t as feisty and obnoxious as you. Darn, I’m missing out.”
“Not funny Liam.”
We grew quiet again, and the discomfort grew. Why was Liam still here? Sure, we had a tender moment back in the diner, but I didn’t know him, not like I did. Time changes people. How could I expect to keep hold of the relationship we once had.
“Karolin?” I looked up at my name. “We’re different people now, aren’t we?”
“Yes. I’ve changed.”
“I thought it would be so easy once I found you,” He turned his head away as he talked; “I thought you would run into my arms and everything would be the same as it once was. But that’s not going to happen. It takes time.”
“I guess it does.” He returned to my eyes, but he didn’t look sad. And I didn’t feel sad.
“I think we have to start over. As friends, and see if we happen again.” I nodded, not knowing what to say. “We’ll be good friends. I promise.”
“I promise too, but on one condition.”
“What?” I let a grin out.
“You save me a seat at dinner.” He laughed and Carol shot a nasty glance at me. Ignoring her, I said goodbye to Liam and settled deep into the bed. We were friends, nothing more. And maybe as friends, I could forget him being such a distraction and find that girl with the hollow eyes. How had she seen me?
Death Catchers-Chapter Two
note: This is unedited, once again.
I awoke the next morning to Shannon knocking at my door.
“Karolin, I brought you breakfast, are you awake?” I pulled myself from the warmth and walked across the dark room to my door. Flinging it open, I caught Shannon’s look of surprise on seeing me. She smiled and walked in, setting my breakfast tray on my table. “Are you trying a new look Karolin?”
I sat grumpily down at the table and offered her a piece of toast.
“I didn’t sleep well.” She raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “What time is it?”
“Quarter past four.” She munched on her toast happily and it was then I realized she had traded in her skirt for an outfit fitting a Death Catcher.
“Do you start training today?”
“Yes, at 5. I’m looking forward to it.” She smiled and brushed toast crumbs off her chest.
“Well, I’m not. This means I am not going to get any decent food anymore.” I swallowed another bite of egg as I said this. She laughed at me and smiled yet again. Honestly, too much cheeriness in the morning for my taste.
“Well, I need to get going. Someone will come back for the tray later.” I nodded as my mouth was full of half-eaten food and I didn’t want to make myself look like more of a dirty slob. She left as quickly as she had come and I ate the rest of my breakfast in blissful silence, mulling over the previous night’s events. Liam had returned to this place. It didn’t make sense. The odds of both us being taken back and recreated were near improbable and the chance of him being sent here was…I don’t even know the word for it.
It had been a long time since I have seen Liam, over 500 years and he looked as I remembered him. I would have to look into the details of his death later when he wasn’t around. I remember when I first came here. This was not the nearest Clan to where I had died, but they had taken me in and treated me fairly in those first few years where I wasn’t a full Death Catcher. The other Clan, the one I should have belonged to had been in trouble when I died. Too many Death Catchers were making mistakes and bringing back humans, that was the real reason Josiah and me were sent here. Perhaps Liam had been sent elsewhere too, away from that troubled Clan. A few questions to Nathaniel should clear that up.
But Liam. Those first few years and months were hard. I still loved him then, still felt that connection, but knew I would never see him again. Love is possible among the Death Catchers, but it is hard to manage in our line of work. It is better to stay without feeling and emotion when you deal with the dead. But Liam, he knew me, better than Shannon and Josiah. I wonder if it had been hard for him too, realizing I was gone. Perhaps, or perhaps not. Maybe he had fallen for another girl after I died.
Shaking that thought from my head and I stood and decided to shower. Standing under the hot spray, my shoulders relaxed and I forced myself to think of other things besides Liam. I had five collections to make today. Three were standard elder people dying. One was a young girl in a car accident. That would be the tricky one. The last was a teenage boy late tonight, an overdose on ecstasy at a party. That would be the heartbreaker. Since being a Death Catcher. I have seen many kinds of death, but it was always the teenage deaths that got to me. It was mostly stupidity that caused them to die, just like my own death. I hated them and tried to avoid getting the responsibility of retrieving their souls, but I think the Leadership likes torturing me. Stupid old bastards.
Stepping out of the shower, my hair dried instantly after brushing it, a nifty little trick I learned after becoming half-immortal. Dressing in basic black pants and another black corset, I stepped back into my main room. Someone had come for the tray while I was in the shower and had made my bed for me, saving me the trouble. I groaned, noticing I had five minutes to get downstairs to meet Liam. I still had to grab the vials and information sheets on today’s unfortunate souls. Pulling on my high-heeled boots, I glanced in the mirror, giving myself a once over. For being dead for as long as I have, I looked damn good. My hair was long and black, trailing down the small of my back. I had clear green eyes that changed with my moods and pale skin. Damn, I was still the same as I was when I was a human, beautiful.
Brushing that arrogant thought from my head, I traveled through a maze of hallways until I came to the entranceway. Liam was standing against the wall, his wavy black hair hanging over his eyes. That look always got me and even now, it sent shivers down my spine. I beckoned to him and he walked over.
“I woke up late, so I still have to get the vials and such. Would you like to wait here or come with me?” He was just a tad taller than I was in my heels, but damn intimidating.
“I’ll go with you. I haven’t seen much of your castle yet.” I nodded and turned leading the way and trying to calm the nervousness in my stomach. I was never like this, ever. It was like seeing…a ghost. Even though there are no ghosts, contrary to human belief. What they think are ghosts are just us, lurking around doing our jobs. I hated being mistaken for a ghost, it was degrading.
Turning another corner, I led the way down a black hallway, Liam at my heels. I entered the only door and went to the desk. With my luck, of course it was Carol working the desk. She shot me a sly smirk, before turning her charm on Liam.
“You must be Liam, I’m Carol. We didn’t get a chance to talk last night.” Standing to the side I rolled my eyes as she came over to him and pressed her self against him, batting her eyelashes.
“Carol, I just need my vials and information so we can go.” She glared at me and went back behind the desk. She handed me a small black pouch with the five vials in it, clinking through the heavy fabric. I tied it to my waist and grabbed the slips of paper with the victims’ names, ages, and room numbers on them. Slamming them into my back pocket, I grabbed Liam and pulled him from Carol’s clutches. He grinned when we got into the hall.
“I take it you’re not found of her.”
“No, I’m not. She’s worthless.” He kept his grin on his face, but it turned tender as he touched my cheek softly with a gloved fingertip.
“I think you were jealous.” I felt my face burning. Trying to compose myself, I shook my head, dislodging his fingertip from my cheek.
“No, I wasn’t.” I started walking again and he followed.
Reaching the entranceway, I grabbed my cloak off its designated hook and flung it around my shoulders, shaking my hair down my back. I turned to him to see him doing the same.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes.” His eyes glared down into my own. Suppressing a nervous shudder, I stepped into the sunrise and lifted off, him in close tail. Who knew what this day would bring.
It was very near to one when Liam and I arrived at the alley next to the diner. We had collected three of the five I had for today. After grabbing a quick lunch, we were heading down the street to collect the little girl, and then to a party later tonight for the boy. The diner was on the outskirts of town and I came here often to grab some food. However, there was always the little issue of making myself visible.
Most of the time, we are invisible to the human eye. We have the ability to become visible if we wish it. It’s not that complicated of a process, except, you can’t do it in the middle of human activity. Popping out of nowhere leads to questions and that is not a good thing. So, I always came to this alley to appear and then slid out into the streets. I’m sure I attracted some attention with my outfit, it was a little different from the norm, but I didn’t care.
Liam looked confused at me dragging him into a dark alley.
“What are we doing?” I rolled my eyes before closing them and saying the little incantation to become visible. I opened them and saw Liam looking at me surprised. “Oh, hold on.” He repeated what I did as I started down the alley back to the street. I knew the conversation was coming, the one I had avoided all day. Liam simply tagged along as I went to the two hospitals and the nursing home. We talked little and he did as I told him, which was to stand and watch. He was a good listener, as he always was…I needed to stop that, all the reminiscing of what was so long ago. Liam was simply a man…a very attractive man who I had loved very much.
I stepped into the diner, Liam close on my heels. We sank into a booth in the darkest corner and the waitress brought us coffee. I shifted until I was comfortably situated on the sticky orange vinyl. Liam slid across from me and shifted nervously.
“I’m not used to being visible.”
“Why not? I do it all the time.” I leaned forward so the booth across from us wouldn’t hear. They were already giving us the weird looks I was accustomed too.
“I never make myself visible unless I am the one going shopping. But I guess this okay. It’s almost as if we’re human again.” I smiled wistfully as he looked around and took in the local color. I did too, taking advantage of the break in conversation. I knew where this conversation was going, but I would try my hardest to make sure it didn’t go there. I had put the past behind me and here he was again, about to bring it up.
“So…where do we start?” Damn those blue eyes. They were just as clear and mysterious as I remembered. I really needed to stop this remembering of Liam. He was different now…hell, I was different now. Five hundred years will do that to a person.
“I don’t know, why don’t you go first?” Luckily, the waitress returned and took our order before he could start. She took our orders and I shot a nasty glare to the woman across the aisle before returning my attention to Liam.
“You’ve changed Karolin. You’re…harder. I’m not sure if I like it.” He reached across the table for my hand and I let him take it.
“Is that such a bad thing?” he rubbed his thumbs across my hand as he thought about it for a minute.
“No, I don’t think it is. You still look exactly as you did before.” I smiled, well aware of that fact. I was a little vain and worked hard to keep my looks and body in order. A fat Death Catcher had a harder job.
“You do too, Liam. But…you look so young. Can I ask you about…?” I trailed off, not sure how to phrase my question in a way that wouldn’t make him feel awkward.
“You want to know how I died don’t you?” I nodded, not sure how to answer as he sighed deeply. “I might as well start at the beginning. You died on a Wednesday…you remember the details of your death on your own. I won’t bring them up. Anyways, the police found your body Thursday morning and I found out that afternoon. There was a riot and we planned your funeral. It was the day after your funeral that I died.” He paused as the waitress set down our food.
“I died by killing myself. I couldn’t imagine a life without you by my side, so I hung myself in my barn.” He sunk his head and my heart pulled towards him. “My parents found me, and the letter I had written, telling them why. Patrick, my Catcher told me all of this afterwards. They cried, but as he was leaving with my soul, he overheard my mother saying that at least I would be with you. Who would have known that five hundred years later I would be?” He shook his head and dove into his salad and soup.
I took up my own greasy grilled cheese and ate slowly, mulling over what he had told me.
“There’s something Nathaniel didn’t tell you last night. Ever since I was made a Death Catcher, I have been looking for you. I asked to be moved from Clan to Clan, hoping that you had become one also. After five hundred years of looking I found you, but now I don’t know what I am supposed to do.”
“If it makes you feel better, I don’t know either. I never expected to see you again. Especially after they transferred me to this Clan.” I continued on with my grilled cheese, waiting for him to continue between bites.
“I missed you so damn much Karolin. I almost gave up hope. This was my last move and I found you. While I was looking, I never thought I would see you again.” He ate another bite, eyes heavy and downcast. My heart again went to him, crumbling in all the right places.
“I missed you too Liam. When I first came here, all I did was cry. No one understands me here, not the way you did. I’m sure you have heard stories, I am not well liked.” He nodded and swallowed.
“Yes, I know. Nathaniel told me there was a woman Death Catcher almost my age who was as stubborn as an ox. He said she had fire and spunk and I would love her, even though most of the Clan does not. He said you were intimidating.” I smiled at that.
“I think I may do that on purpose.” He smiled back at me.
“You know what else he told me?” I shook my head no. “He said that there was something special in her because unlike other Death Catchers, she has a heart.”
“What? He said that?”
“Yes. He said it might take awhile to see it, but it would come out.” I mulled this over as we finished eating and paid our bill. Standing, I shot another nasty glare at the ugly fat woman and followed Liam out of the diner. We went back to our alley and changed back, invisible once more.
“Where are we headed?” There was camaraderie with us now, we clicked. Our talk had helped, but there was still much more left to discuss. That time would come eventually. For now, we were off to find a Jennifer Robbins, age eight on a pink bicycle. We turned the corner, pulling ourselves against the building and watching. We saw her across the street, peddling in our direction. She stopped at the light and hit the walk button. It cleared and she slowly started to peddle into the intersection. As known, a red Miata barreled down the street and the screeching of tires was heard over the small thump and shattering of glass. A woman screamed and Liam and I pushed forward.
Upon reaching her, I saw she wasn’t dead yet and pulled out of her vision until she was. A crowd of people gathered round and a man was on his cell phone, calling for an ambulance. Little Jennifer gasped and her eyes rolled backwards. Pushing myself into a small space, I grabbed her hand and slid her finger onto the vial. A clear purplish soul leaked in and I clamped it in. Stepping back, I found myself with Liam. We watched as people screamed, realizing she was dead. I clamped her soul in my hand, feeling its warmth radiating through me.
I stood like that for a long time, watching the paramedics trying to revive her and her mother appearing. My heart was torn. I though I could handle this death, but being with Liam made it harder somehow. We watched, standing in the street until it was only us and a street sweeper left, my eyes left on the cold cement where her lifeless body had been only an hour before. Liam approached me quietly and slid an arm around my shoulders.
“You ready to go Karolin?” I nodded, unable to answer as he led me away, Jennifer’s soul still tingling in the grasp of my hand.
I awoke the next morning to Shannon knocking at my door.
“Karolin, I brought you breakfast, are you awake?” I pulled myself from the warmth and walked across the dark room to my door. Flinging it open, I caught Shannon’s look of surprise on seeing me. She smiled and walked in, setting my breakfast tray on my table. “Are you trying a new look Karolin?”
I sat grumpily down at the table and offered her a piece of toast.
“I didn’t sleep well.” She raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “What time is it?”
“Quarter past four.” She munched on her toast happily and it was then I realized she had traded in her skirt for an outfit fitting a Death Catcher.
“Do you start training today?”
“Yes, at 5. I’m looking forward to it.” She smiled and brushed toast crumbs off her chest.
“Well, I’m not. This means I am not going to get any decent food anymore.” I swallowed another bite of egg as I said this. She laughed at me and smiled yet again. Honestly, too much cheeriness in the morning for my taste.
“Well, I need to get going. Someone will come back for the tray later.” I nodded as my mouth was full of half-eaten food and I didn’t want to make myself look like more of a dirty slob. She left as quickly as she had come and I ate the rest of my breakfast in blissful silence, mulling over the previous night’s events. Liam had returned to this place. It didn’t make sense. The odds of both us being taken back and recreated were near improbable and the chance of him being sent here was…I don’t even know the word for it.
It had been a long time since I have seen Liam, over 500 years and he looked as I remembered him. I would have to look into the details of his death later when he wasn’t around. I remember when I first came here. This was not the nearest Clan to where I had died, but they had taken me in and treated me fairly in those first few years where I wasn’t a full Death Catcher. The other Clan, the one I should have belonged to had been in trouble when I died. Too many Death Catchers were making mistakes and bringing back humans, that was the real reason Josiah and me were sent here. Perhaps Liam had been sent elsewhere too, away from that troubled Clan. A few questions to Nathaniel should clear that up.
But Liam. Those first few years and months were hard. I still loved him then, still felt that connection, but knew I would never see him again. Love is possible among the Death Catchers, but it is hard to manage in our line of work. It is better to stay without feeling and emotion when you deal with the dead. But Liam, he knew me, better than Shannon and Josiah. I wonder if it had been hard for him too, realizing I was gone. Perhaps, or perhaps not. Maybe he had fallen for another girl after I died.
Shaking that thought from my head and I stood and decided to shower. Standing under the hot spray, my shoulders relaxed and I forced myself to think of other things besides Liam. I had five collections to make today. Three were standard elder people dying. One was a young girl in a car accident. That would be the tricky one. The last was a teenage boy late tonight, an overdose on ecstasy at a party. That would be the heartbreaker. Since being a Death Catcher. I have seen many kinds of death, but it was always the teenage deaths that got to me. It was mostly stupidity that caused them to die, just like my own death. I hated them and tried to avoid getting the responsibility of retrieving their souls, but I think the Leadership likes torturing me. Stupid old bastards.
Stepping out of the shower, my hair dried instantly after brushing it, a nifty little trick I learned after becoming half-immortal. Dressing in basic black pants and another black corset, I stepped back into my main room. Someone had come for the tray while I was in the shower and had made my bed for me, saving me the trouble. I groaned, noticing I had five minutes to get downstairs to meet Liam. I still had to grab the vials and information sheets on today’s unfortunate souls. Pulling on my high-heeled boots, I glanced in the mirror, giving myself a once over. For being dead for as long as I have, I looked damn good. My hair was long and black, trailing down the small of my back. I had clear green eyes that changed with my moods and pale skin. Damn, I was still the same as I was when I was a human, beautiful.
Brushing that arrogant thought from my head, I traveled through a maze of hallways until I came to the entranceway. Liam was standing against the wall, his wavy black hair hanging over his eyes. That look always got me and even now, it sent shivers down my spine. I beckoned to him and he walked over.
“I woke up late, so I still have to get the vials and such. Would you like to wait here or come with me?” He was just a tad taller than I was in my heels, but damn intimidating.
“I’ll go with you. I haven’t seen much of your castle yet.” I nodded and turned leading the way and trying to calm the nervousness in my stomach. I was never like this, ever. It was like seeing…a ghost. Even though there are no ghosts, contrary to human belief. What they think are ghosts are just us, lurking around doing our jobs. I hated being mistaken for a ghost, it was degrading.
Turning another corner, I led the way down a black hallway, Liam at my heels. I entered the only door and went to the desk. With my luck, of course it was Carol working the desk. She shot me a sly smirk, before turning her charm on Liam.
“You must be Liam, I’m Carol. We didn’t get a chance to talk last night.” Standing to the side I rolled my eyes as she came over to him and pressed her self against him, batting her eyelashes.
“Carol, I just need my vials and information so we can go.” She glared at me and went back behind the desk. She handed me a small black pouch with the five vials in it, clinking through the heavy fabric. I tied it to my waist and grabbed the slips of paper with the victims’ names, ages, and room numbers on them. Slamming them into my back pocket, I grabbed Liam and pulled him from Carol’s clutches. He grinned when we got into the hall.
“I take it you’re not found of her.”
“No, I’m not. She’s worthless.” He kept his grin on his face, but it turned tender as he touched my cheek softly with a gloved fingertip.
“I think you were jealous.” I felt my face burning. Trying to compose myself, I shook my head, dislodging his fingertip from my cheek.
“No, I wasn’t.” I started walking again and he followed.
Reaching the entranceway, I grabbed my cloak off its designated hook and flung it around my shoulders, shaking my hair down my back. I turned to him to see him doing the same.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes.” His eyes glared down into my own. Suppressing a nervous shudder, I stepped into the sunrise and lifted off, him in close tail. Who knew what this day would bring.
It was very near to one when Liam and I arrived at the alley next to the diner. We had collected three of the five I had for today. After grabbing a quick lunch, we were heading down the street to collect the little girl, and then to a party later tonight for the boy. The diner was on the outskirts of town and I came here often to grab some food. However, there was always the little issue of making myself visible.
Most of the time, we are invisible to the human eye. We have the ability to become visible if we wish it. It’s not that complicated of a process, except, you can’t do it in the middle of human activity. Popping out of nowhere leads to questions and that is not a good thing. So, I always came to this alley to appear and then slid out into the streets. I’m sure I attracted some attention with my outfit, it was a little different from the norm, but I didn’t care.
Liam looked confused at me dragging him into a dark alley.
“What are we doing?” I rolled my eyes before closing them and saying the little incantation to become visible. I opened them and saw Liam looking at me surprised. “Oh, hold on.” He repeated what I did as I started down the alley back to the street. I knew the conversation was coming, the one I had avoided all day. Liam simply tagged along as I went to the two hospitals and the nursing home. We talked little and he did as I told him, which was to stand and watch. He was a good listener, as he always was…I needed to stop that, all the reminiscing of what was so long ago. Liam was simply a man…a very attractive man who I had loved very much.
I stepped into the diner, Liam close on my heels. We sank into a booth in the darkest corner and the waitress brought us coffee. I shifted until I was comfortably situated on the sticky orange vinyl. Liam slid across from me and shifted nervously.
“I’m not used to being visible.”
“Why not? I do it all the time.” I leaned forward so the booth across from us wouldn’t hear. They were already giving us the weird looks I was accustomed too.
“I never make myself visible unless I am the one going shopping. But I guess this okay. It’s almost as if we’re human again.” I smiled wistfully as he looked around and took in the local color. I did too, taking advantage of the break in conversation. I knew where this conversation was going, but I would try my hardest to make sure it didn’t go there. I had put the past behind me and here he was again, about to bring it up.
“So…where do we start?” Damn those blue eyes. They were just as clear and mysterious as I remembered. I really needed to stop this remembering of Liam. He was different now…hell, I was different now. Five hundred years will do that to a person.
“I don’t know, why don’t you go first?” Luckily, the waitress returned and took our order before he could start. She took our orders and I shot a nasty glare to the woman across the aisle before returning my attention to Liam.
“You’ve changed Karolin. You’re…harder. I’m not sure if I like it.” He reached across the table for my hand and I let him take it.
“Is that such a bad thing?” he rubbed his thumbs across my hand as he thought about it for a minute.
“No, I don’t think it is. You still look exactly as you did before.” I smiled, well aware of that fact. I was a little vain and worked hard to keep my looks and body in order. A fat Death Catcher had a harder job.
“You do too, Liam. But…you look so young. Can I ask you about…?” I trailed off, not sure how to phrase my question in a way that wouldn’t make him feel awkward.
“You want to know how I died don’t you?” I nodded, not sure how to answer as he sighed deeply. “I might as well start at the beginning. You died on a Wednesday…you remember the details of your death on your own. I won’t bring them up. Anyways, the police found your body Thursday morning and I found out that afternoon. There was a riot and we planned your funeral. It was the day after your funeral that I died.” He paused as the waitress set down our food.
“I died by killing myself. I couldn’t imagine a life without you by my side, so I hung myself in my barn.” He sunk his head and my heart pulled towards him. “My parents found me, and the letter I had written, telling them why. Patrick, my Catcher told me all of this afterwards. They cried, but as he was leaving with my soul, he overheard my mother saying that at least I would be with you. Who would have known that five hundred years later I would be?” He shook his head and dove into his salad and soup.
I took up my own greasy grilled cheese and ate slowly, mulling over what he had told me.
“There’s something Nathaniel didn’t tell you last night. Ever since I was made a Death Catcher, I have been looking for you. I asked to be moved from Clan to Clan, hoping that you had become one also. After five hundred years of looking I found you, but now I don’t know what I am supposed to do.”
“If it makes you feel better, I don’t know either. I never expected to see you again. Especially after they transferred me to this Clan.” I continued on with my grilled cheese, waiting for him to continue between bites.
“I missed you so damn much Karolin. I almost gave up hope. This was my last move and I found you. While I was looking, I never thought I would see you again.” He ate another bite, eyes heavy and downcast. My heart again went to him, crumbling in all the right places.
“I missed you too Liam. When I first came here, all I did was cry. No one understands me here, not the way you did. I’m sure you have heard stories, I am not well liked.” He nodded and swallowed.
“Yes, I know. Nathaniel told me there was a woman Death Catcher almost my age who was as stubborn as an ox. He said she had fire and spunk and I would love her, even though most of the Clan does not. He said you were intimidating.” I smiled at that.
“I think I may do that on purpose.” He smiled back at me.
“You know what else he told me?” I shook my head no. “He said that there was something special in her because unlike other Death Catchers, she has a heart.”
“What? He said that?”
“Yes. He said it might take awhile to see it, but it would come out.” I mulled this over as we finished eating and paid our bill. Standing, I shot another nasty glare at the ugly fat woman and followed Liam out of the diner. We went back to our alley and changed back, invisible once more.
“Where are we headed?” There was camaraderie with us now, we clicked. Our talk had helped, but there was still much more left to discuss. That time would come eventually. For now, we were off to find a Jennifer Robbins, age eight on a pink bicycle. We turned the corner, pulling ourselves against the building and watching. We saw her across the street, peddling in our direction. She stopped at the light and hit the walk button. It cleared and she slowly started to peddle into the intersection. As known, a red Miata barreled down the street and the screeching of tires was heard over the small thump and shattering of glass. A woman screamed and Liam and I pushed forward.
Upon reaching her, I saw she wasn’t dead yet and pulled out of her vision until she was. A crowd of people gathered round and a man was on his cell phone, calling for an ambulance. Little Jennifer gasped and her eyes rolled backwards. Pushing myself into a small space, I grabbed her hand and slid her finger onto the vial. A clear purplish soul leaked in and I clamped it in. Stepping back, I found myself with Liam. We watched as people screamed, realizing she was dead. I clamped her soul in my hand, feeling its warmth radiating through me.
I stood like that for a long time, watching the paramedics trying to revive her and her mother appearing. My heart was torn. I though I could handle this death, but being with Liam made it harder somehow. We watched, standing in the street until it was only us and a street sweeper left, my eyes left on the cold cement where her lifeless body had been only an hour before. Liam approached me quietly and slid an arm around my shoulders.
“You ready to go Karolin?” I nodded, unable to answer as he led me away, Jennifer’s soul still tingling in the grasp of my hand.
Being Sick and Then Some
I am incredibly, horribly sick. Oh well, who cares? :)
Anyway, last weekend was emotional, lots of crying over nothing. Then again, I am a girl and those things happen every once in awhile. I guess I just wasn't having the relaxing weekend I was so relying on and that depressed me a great deal. I did get more homework than usual done, which was a good thing.
I had a paper due today, i think i rocked it, but who knows with that class. i also have an exam tomorrow and on Wednesday. Spanish and History.
The following is a conversation that transpired in my History of Michigan class tonight.
Student: Are we going to have to memorize the dates for the exam on Wednesday?
Prof: Yes, but only the ones on the guide I gave you.
Student: But there are so many, how are we supposed to remember all of them and all the people?
(note: There are a total of nine dates on said guide)
Prof: Have you taken a history class before?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Are you a history major?
Student: Yes.
Prof: If you can't memorize nine dates, don't you think you are going into the wrong field?
Student: But nine dates is a lot to remember.
Prof: I think i should retire.
i was cracking up. people in college really make me laugh. Did she really think that we WOULDN'T need to knwo these things? i must say, my history professors at MSU have really suprised me. All of them have given out study guides for exams and have been really helpful. You would have to be a moron to fail a history class at MSU. or at least thats what i think.
Anyway, the rest of the semester is horrible. With seven weeks to go, I have three projects to do, two novels to read, various other readings and chapters to highlight and takes notes on, 5 papers, a group presentation, PLUS five finals during finals week and 2 papers.
I think i might go crazy. All i have to say, 300 level classes suck! :)
Anyway, off to study.
God Bless.
-allie-
Anyway, last weekend was emotional, lots of crying over nothing. Then again, I am a girl and those things happen every once in awhile. I guess I just wasn't having the relaxing weekend I was so relying on and that depressed me a great deal. I did get more homework than usual done, which was a good thing.
I had a paper due today, i think i rocked it, but who knows with that class. i also have an exam tomorrow and on Wednesday. Spanish and History.
The following is a conversation that transpired in my History of Michigan class tonight.
Student: Are we going to have to memorize the dates for the exam on Wednesday?
Prof: Yes, but only the ones on the guide I gave you.
Student: But there are so many, how are we supposed to remember all of them and all the people?
(note: There are a total of nine dates on said guide)
Prof: Have you taken a history class before?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Are you a history major?
Student: Yes.
Prof: If you can't memorize nine dates, don't you think you are going into the wrong field?
Student: But nine dates is a lot to remember.
Prof: I think i should retire.
i was cracking up. people in college really make me laugh. Did she really think that we WOULDN'T need to knwo these things? i must say, my history professors at MSU have really suprised me. All of them have given out study guides for exams and have been really helpful. You would have to be a moron to fail a history class at MSU. or at least thats what i think.
Anyway, the rest of the semester is horrible. With seven weeks to go, I have three projects to do, two novels to read, various other readings and chapters to highlight and takes notes on, 5 papers, a group presentation, PLUS five finals during finals week and 2 papers.
I think i might go crazy. All i have to say, 300 level classes suck! :)
Anyway, off to study.
God Bless.
-allie-
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Okay, So I gave Up
Today has been rough.
Between projects, and papers, and my sister's paper, and school, i just don't want to deal with life anymore, or at least the life I am living now. It sucks. I do nothing, have nothing and its sucks.
I am being crabby. I can't elaborate more...I will tomorrow I guess.
Between projects, and papers, and my sister's paper, and school, i just don't want to deal with life anymore, or at least the life I am living now. It sucks. I do nothing, have nothing and its sucks.
I am being crabby. I can't elaborate more...I will tomorrow I guess.
I am Trying, I promise
I am so sad today, and I do not know why.
I think my body tricks me, tries to get me to do the thigns I have escaped. *sigh* I have been thinking too much lately. My head hurts.
I think that me trying to run away from my past is too much for me. I can't escape it. I don't want to be known as THAT Allie anymore. I want it to go away and stay there...
Maybe I am not making much sense. "I'll explain it when you're older. " :)
There is a song that I have been listening to a lot lately..."White Days" By The Juliana Theory. I didn't spell their name right, but you get the idea. Blame this song on Cameron. Its moving me and every time I hear it, its like I am hearing it for the first time...Corny, I know.
These are the lyrics:
rise before the sun
we'll leave when it lifts
the show must go on
so we start on the run
buy us meal
or buy us some time
if we want to arrive there
look ahead at the road
you can't see a thing
but maybe we'll make it before it's too late
there is no time to wait
turn, turn on the lights
as they drive by
worked on the side
keep your eyes on the road
hands on the wheel
don't let us slip
this is almost a nightmare
turn, turn on the heat
they can't feel a thing
as I fall asleep
keep your eyes off the white
don't let us die tonight
white days like this I’ll never miss
they only come once a year
feel the passing of day
where nothing has changed
night has determined to force us away
buy me a room
with bed and amuse this is almost resourceful
stop, don't hit the breaks
they don't do a thing
we made it to nowhere with no time to spare
no one said life was fair
white days like this I’ll never miss
they only come once a year
I think my body tricks me, tries to get me to do the thigns I have escaped. *sigh* I have been thinking too much lately. My head hurts.
I think that me trying to run away from my past is too much for me. I can't escape it. I don't want to be known as THAT Allie anymore. I want it to go away and stay there...
Maybe I am not making much sense. "I'll explain it when you're older. " :)
There is a song that I have been listening to a lot lately..."White Days" By The Juliana Theory. I didn't spell their name right, but you get the idea. Blame this song on Cameron. Its moving me and every time I hear it, its like I am hearing it for the first time...Corny, I know.
These are the lyrics:
rise before the sun
we'll leave when it lifts
the show must go on
so we start on the run
buy us meal
or buy us some time
if we want to arrive there
look ahead at the road
you can't see a thing
but maybe we'll make it before it's too late
there is no time to wait
turn, turn on the lights
as they drive by
worked on the side
keep your eyes on the road
hands on the wheel
don't let us slip
this is almost a nightmare
turn, turn on the heat
they can't feel a thing
as I fall asleep
keep your eyes off the white
don't let us die tonight
white days like this I’ll never miss
they only come once a year
feel the passing of day
where nothing has changed
night has determined to force us away
buy me a room
with bed and amuse this is almost resourceful
stop, don't hit the breaks
they don't do a thing
we made it to nowhere with no time to spare
no one said life was fair
white days like this I’ll never miss
they only come once a year
Monday, October 18, 2004
A Very Long Weekend
I can't believe what a crazy weekend I had. it seems like it went by without me. We had to leave the game really early on Saturday, which stunk. I was still sick, coughing and hacking up a storm, and my joints really started to ache. Which was very sad. matt and me went to taco bell and then sat in the room and watched the end of the game, or he did, because I fell asleep.
I spent all yesterday studying for my midterm i had this morning. It was the hardest test i ahve ever taken. No joke. I hate linguistics....well, not really. Its an interesting subject and I like it, but it is SO freaking hard. There is just so much information to learn and it all intertwines together and its confusing. But i think I did alright, passed at least. :)
Everything else is going good. I am excited to be going home this weekend. I can relax before wanting to kill myself next week. I have two papers due, and two midterms, all in three days! EEK! Oh well, i'll manage, I always do.
So, all these rapes on campus are freaking me out, seeing as i have a night class across campus. Riding my bike back in the pitch black is scary enough, but now I have to worry about being attacked. Er, don't really feel safe anymore. More like I am freaking out! Maybe I can convince someone to come meet me there, like a big strong boy! But no one would want to do that. I know I wouldn't want to ride all the way across campus and back just for kicks. But then again, I am lazy. VERY lazy.
Hmmm, what else to say? Oh, I hate spanish, just so you know. I cannot wait until this semester is over and i NEVER have to take spanish again! MUAHAHAHA! What a good feeling. Anyways, time to leave for spanish....RAR!
-allie-
I spent all yesterday studying for my midterm i had this morning. It was the hardest test i ahve ever taken. No joke. I hate linguistics....well, not really. Its an interesting subject and I like it, but it is SO freaking hard. There is just so much information to learn and it all intertwines together and its confusing. But i think I did alright, passed at least. :)
Everything else is going good. I am excited to be going home this weekend. I can relax before wanting to kill myself next week. I have two papers due, and two midterms, all in three days! EEK! Oh well, i'll manage, I always do.
So, all these rapes on campus are freaking me out, seeing as i have a night class across campus. Riding my bike back in the pitch black is scary enough, but now I have to worry about being attacked. Er, don't really feel safe anymore. More like I am freaking out! Maybe I can convince someone to come meet me there, like a big strong boy! But no one would want to do that. I know I wouldn't want to ride all the way across campus and back just for kicks. But then again, I am lazy. VERY lazy.
Hmmm, what else to say? Oh, I hate spanish, just so you know. I cannot wait until this semester is over and i NEVER have to take spanish again! MUAHAHAHA! What a good feeling. Anyways, time to leave for spanish....RAR!
-allie-
Thursday, October 14, 2004
A Blurb Of Something
Note: As the title says, this is just a blurb of something I wrote...it fits my mood at the moment...
He remembered the way she looked the night of the storm, standing on the long rocky driveway that led to his house. The storm had been raging for hours, the wind blowing his young saplings sideways and the rain coming down in torrents of never ending water. His house was lonely in the middle of nature’s fury and it seemed as if the world was punishing itself with self-mutilation. Inside the house fury raged, matching the anger outside. She had been so angry with him and left, struggling against his pleas and the rain as she ran to her car, hair flying behind her.
It was that final image he remembered most of all; her standing beside her dusty silver car, looking up at him in farewell. Soaking wet tendrils of jet-black hair clung to her wet cheeks and her icy blue eyes flashed in the lightening. Her small frame was cloaked in wet clothes and her body was shaking against the cold.
He remembered calling to her, asking her to stay, to work it out. But so defiant, she shook her head no and got in the car. He stood and didn’t go after her and watched her back down the driveway and travel down the country road and out of sight. All that was left in her place were small rivers traveling down the small incline, bending around the rocks.
Moving back inside he poured a glass of scotch and sat in the darkened living room, overlooking his property and drinking away the night. The storm still raged, but he numbed, forgetting the angry words that had transpired. It was much later that he passed out and the glass fell from his hand and shattered, the remnants of the scotch leaving a wet spot on the white carpet.
It was the next morning before he awoke to the ringing of the telephone and answering, he fell to the ground.
She had been in a car accident that night, hit by a drunk along the road before his house. It had been hours before she had been found and by then it was too late. She died while he was drinking away her memory.
That was the last time he had seen Kylie. He hadn’t gone to her funeral. He had stood atop the hill, looking down at the church while people went to her wake. Try as he might, he couldn’t gain the courage to enter the old church’s wooden doors. So, he stood and watched the people enter and leave, dressed in black and grey. The thought of seeing her without life was too much to bear.
It was later that day, after everyone had left that he approached her grave. The fresh dirt glistened in the sprinkling rain. Squatting before her newly implanted gravestone, he ran his fingers over her name and the dates. Placing a single white rose on her grave he stood and left, framed by the mist surrounding him and the promise he had made to her memory.
He remembered the way she looked the night of the storm, standing on the long rocky driveway that led to his house. The storm had been raging for hours, the wind blowing his young saplings sideways and the rain coming down in torrents of never ending water. His house was lonely in the middle of nature’s fury and it seemed as if the world was punishing itself with self-mutilation. Inside the house fury raged, matching the anger outside. She had been so angry with him and left, struggling against his pleas and the rain as she ran to her car, hair flying behind her.
It was that final image he remembered most of all; her standing beside her dusty silver car, looking up at him in farewell. Soaking wet tendrils of jet-black hair clung to her wet cheeks and her icy blue eyes flashed in the lightening. Her small frame was cloaked in wet clothes and her body was shaking against the cold.
He remembered calling to her, asking her to stay, to work it out. But so defiant, she shook her head no and got in the car. He stood and didn’t go after her and watched her back down the driveway and travel down the country road and out of sight. All that was left in her place were small rivers traveling down the small incline, bending around the rocks.
Moving back inside he poured a glass of scotch and sat in the darkened living room, overlooking his property and drinking away the night. The storm still raged, but he numbed, forgetting the angry words that had transpired. It was much later that he passed out and the glass fell from his hand and shattered, the remnants of the scotch leaving a wet spot on the white carpet.
It was the next morning before he awoke to the ringing of the telephone and answering, he fell to the ground.
She had been in a car accident that night, hit by a drunk along the road before his house. It had been hours before she had been found and by then it was too late. She died while he was drinking away her memory.
That was the last time he had seen Kylie. He hadn’t gone to her funeral. He had stood atop the hill, looking down at the church while people went to her wake. Try as he might, he couldn’t gain the courage to enter the old church’s wooden doors. So, he stood and watched the people enter and leave, dressed in black and grey. The thought of seeing her without life was too much to bear.
It was later that day, after everyone had left that he approached her grave. The fresh dirt glistened in the sprinkling rain. Squatting before her newly implanted gravestone, he ran his fingers over her name and the dates. Placing a single white rose on her grave he stood and left, framed by the mist surrounding him and the promise he had made to her memory.
Depression
It's amazing how depression can just hit you. And then your stuck, wallowing in it until something better happens, or you finally manage to sleep it off.
I just want it to go away and stay there. Really...
I'm exhausted...too much work, too much weight on my shoulders from people I shouldn't even be listening to. I should be listening to myself and my needs. NOT what other people want from me, or expect from me.
"Would you miss me if I was gone?"
I guess i am just frustrated and annoyed with how things are going right now. School is overwhelming. If I can't handle the load now, how will I next year when classes are harder? I simply don't know.
I need some sleep.
God Bless...
I just want it to go away and stay there. Really...
I'm exhausted...too much work, too much weight on my shoulders from people I shouldn't even be listening to. I should be listening to myself and my needs. NOT what other people want from me, or expect from me.
"Would you miss me if I was gone?"
I guess i am just frustrated and annoyed with how things are going right now. School is overwhelming. If I can't handle the load now, how will I next year when classes are harder? I simply don't know.
I need some sleep.
God Bless...
Death Catchers-Chapter One
Note: Again, this is unedited....
The next day dawned cold and dreary. I awoke with the smell of smoke in my nostrils from the fire Josiah had lit in my fireplace before he left last night. He had left as quickly as he had come last night, only taking the minute to run his fingers through my long black hair before disappearing into the depths of the castle, off to see his other friends. I didn’t mind and I had crawled into the warmth of my antique king-sized bed and fell asleep instantly.
I had nothing to call me to the city today. After collecting deaths for nearly three weeks straight, I was due for a rest day. It would be spent lounging around the castle, relaxing and people watching. Rolling over and out of bed, I crossed to my armoire and dressed in my normal attire, all black. I buzzed to the kitchen for food to be sent up and I threw my weary body into my favorite crimson chair. Watching the sun in the sky, I hardly heard Shannon at the door, until she knocked somewhat loudly.
Shannon was new to us. Her story was like my own. Kidnapped and taken to a cottage in the woods, her Death Catcher, Mikal, had been early and in her last moments of life, she had seen him, just as I had seen Josiah. It was a normal mistake Death Catchers made. Usually, they were young, on one of their first retrievals, nervous to collect a soul. There was no real consequence besides a verbal lashing. The soul was not taken to its designated room, but instead was recreated back into a human form to become one of us. So, in a way, we needed these mistakes.
Anyway, Shannon was too young to be trained in Death Catching, so her role was in the kitchen until she was mature enough for the training. At only 16 at the time of her earthly death, our age difference was nothing in human terms. I, too, died at 16, but had been here for well over 500 years. We clicked upon her re-creation and instantly became friends.
At the continuance of her knocking, I stood and let her in. Shannon sashayed into the room with a bright smile on her face, her emerald dress swishing against her legs.
“Good morning Karolin. I had a break, so I though I would join you for breakfast if that’s alright.” She smiled shyly.
“Of course that’s alright.” I went and placed a couple more logs onto the fire as she set the tray with our breakfast on my small table.
We sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying the delicious food she had prepared. Crunching on a piece of toast, Shannon blushed unexpectedly.
“What?” Her expression confused me. Although shy, she usually came out to me.
“You haven’t checked your messages today yet have you?”
“Of course not. I never check them before I eat.” I was still confused.
“The Leaders have called a Meeting tonight, to announce who will be trained next.” She was still smiling and blushing, “Jakob thinks I might be eligible.”
“Well good for you.” A meeting was not something I was interested in. I hated them, with a livid passion. We all had to dress up and attend, save the lucky few who were collecting during it. It was all a bunch of unnecessary bullshit and I hated attending.
“Do you think they’ll pick me?” She seemed so earnest.
“Honestly, I have no idea who they will pick. But seeing as both Josiah and Jeremiah brought back new members in the last week, there’s a good chance they’ll bump you up to training status and those two will take your place in the kitchen.” This was true. With two new recreated souls, we could train a few more people for Death Catching.
“I hope I’m picked. If I was, who do you think would train me?” She took a sip of tea, her blue eyes shimmering over the top.
“Well, one of the elders of course. We both know I won’t be it.” I said it in a low tone and she averted her eyes.
We both knew of my last trainee Nikki. It had been about two years earlier that she was assigned to me. I had been surprised then. I am one of the younger Catchers and never thought I would train anyone. But at the same time, I was good at what I did and that was something everyone knew. In my 500 some years of collecting, I had no mistakes save one on my record. And that mistake was Nikki. In training, she hadn’t listened to me, and paid for it with her life. I remember the trial and the questioning well from that time. The Leadership had been hard on me for losing her, but it was not my fault she died. The girl was stupid and arrogant and lost her life because of it.
That was the only black mark on my record. I did not screw up, plain and simple. And that was unheard of. Out of the 53 Death Catchers here, I hold the fewest mistakes, the next in line is another younger Catcher with 5 faults. This only made me more isolated from those around me, but I didn’t care.
“What are you thinking about?” She had set down her tea and was looking at me intently.
“Nikki of course.” She nodded in affirmation.
“Do you think you’re going to be asked to train someone?”
“It’s a possibility. A very good possibility.” She nodded again and suddenly I was uncomfortable talking to Shannon about this. She remembered that time as well as I did. She must have sensed my awkwardness and she politely excused herself back to the kitchen.
I sat there for a long time after she left, mulling over the thought of training another. I’m sure that if I was picked, there would be discomfort in the castle and the Leadership would have some very disgruntled Death Catchers on their hands. To put it simply, I am not well liked. I am an outsider. My two friends are Shannon and Josiah, no one else even acknowledges I exist. That’s fine with me; it makes my life a hell of a lot simpler to control. I know most of the elder Catchers resent me, save Josiah, who brought me here. The Catchers around my age never talked to me, which was fine. And those younger than me seem afraid. I guess it could be said that I am not an outgoing individual and I am somewhat intimidating.
This isolation only helped me in what I needed to do and there was nothing wrong with being myself.
It was around six when I went down to the Meeting room. Tables had been set for dinner and I knew where to go. My table was with Josiah and Jeremiah and a few other Death Catchers who were around my age. Upon approaching the table, Josiah reached for my arm and escorted me to my seat.
“You look beautiful Karolin.” I smiled and thought I did too. Simply dressing in a long emerald green skirt and black lace corset, I didn’t bother with the fuss the other women Death Catchers did. I kept my hair simple as it trailed down my back in gentle waves. Sitting in my seat, I realized I was one of the last to arrive.
Our dinner came and we ate in silence, rather I ate in silence and listened to my table talk of the night’s events. All that gossip merely bored me and I paid attention to my food, obviously prepared by Shannon.
It was nearly quarter to seven by the time the plates were cleared and the Head Catcher, Nathaniel started his speech. It was filled with the normal gossip filled updates on the state of the Catcher Clans across the world. After finishing this needless information, he turned to the shadows and beckoned someone forward. I sat still in my seat upon recognizing the face.
“This is Liam. He comes to us from a Clan far away. I hope you will welcome him with the warmth I know you can give.” A few Catchers clapped and Liam nodded. He swiveled his eyes around the room, acknowledging the applause before his eyes caught mine. The look of surprise was apparent in his face as he saw me. He nodded at me grimly before taking a seat, glancing over at me occasionally.
Out of all the surprises I have had in my life, seeing Liam was certainly the biggest. You see, Liam and I were together in human life. We courted and were planning to marry when I died. I never thought I would see him, but here he was, in this afterlife with me. Shaking off the shudders going through my body, I returned my attention to Nathaniel’s speech.
“As you all know, two new members have come to us in this last week. So, of course we will be training some new people as Death Catchers. Both Carol and Shannon will be trained.” There was a round of applause as Shannon and Carol stepped forward. Shannon caught my look and I smiled in encouragement. Carol, however, stood there gravely, acting like the bitch she was. I hoped I would not be the unfortunate soul to train her.
“Carol’s trainer will be Meredith.” Another round of applause as Meredith joined Carol on stage. Meredith was around my age, a good Death Catcher and she could deal with Carol’s apparent bitchiness. I crossed my fingers for Shannon, her nervousness clear on her face.
“Shannon’s trainer will be Leah.” A quick look of disappointment crossed Shannon’s face and my heart fell a little. The Leadership still didn’t believe in me, that much was clear.
“We are also setting a trainer to Liam, someone to show him the way of our Clan and that person will be Karolin.” There was a long pause before anyone clapped, and that applause was shaky.
Standing on uncertain legs, I walked up to Liam and stood beside him, accepting my responsibility. Nathaniel ended his kooky speech and people started to leave. Shannon jumped to give me a hug and express her regret at not having me as her trainer. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josiah and Nathaniel beckon me over. Prying Shannon from my arms, I went over and stood still as Nathaniel spoke.
“Karolin, I am aware that you deserve another chance at being a trainer, but Liam is the best we can do. Before giving you a completely untrained individual first, we thought Liam would be best. Just show him around, take him along on collections and we’ll track your progress. If you succeed, you will be next in line for training.” I nodded before answering.
“That makes perfect sense, but are you aware that I already know Liam?” They both had a look of shock on their faces. “In our human lives, Liam and I were lovers, torn apart only by my death.”
“Well…” Nathaniel stuttered a little before responding in an intelligent answer. “I had no idea Karolin. Will this be awkward for you?” I looked over to Liam, who was waiting patiently for me.
“It might be at first, but I am not sure.”
“If you become uncomfortable at any time, let us know and we will give Liam to someone else.” I nodded and shook their hands, giving Josiah a quick hug before turning to Liam.
He was just as I remembered him, black wavy hair, and blue crystal eyes. He looked young. He must have died shortly after I did. Taking a deep breath, I approached him, a smile on my face.
He looked down at me and I trembled, the smile disappearing at the look of his serious face. Lifting a hand to my cheek, I closed my eyes as he spoke, focusing on his touch and the roughness in his voice.
“I never thought I would see you again Karolin and look at us now.” I opened my eyes to find his pouring into mine, deep and serious. I trembled again as I answered.
“I missed you Liam. But tonight is not the night for this talk. I am tired and this has me shaking. I will meet you in the entranceway at 5 tomorrow morning, is that alright?” He nodded, dropping his hand.
I turned away then, trembling and shaking, fighting off the tears until I reached my door. Upon closing it, I sunk to the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees shaking and crying.
My love had returned to me.
The next day dawned cold and dreary. I awoke with the smell of smoke in my nostrils from the fire Josiah had lit in my fireplace before he left last night. He had left as quickly as he had come last night, only taking the minute to run his fingers through my long black hair before disappearing into the depths of the castle, off to see his other friends. I didn’t mind and I had crawled into the warmth of my antique king-sized bed and fell asleep instantly.
I had nothing to call me to the city today. After collecting deaths for nearly three weeks straight, I was due for a rest day. It would be spent lounging around the castle, relaxing and people watching. Rolling over and out of bed, I crossed to my armoire and dressed in my normal attire, all black. I buzzed to the kitchen for food to be sent up and I threw my weary body into my favorite crimson chair. Watching the sun in the sky, I hardly heard Shannon at the door, until she knocked somewhat loudly.
Shannon was new to us. Her story was like my own. Kidnapped and taken to a cottage in the woods, her Death Catcher, Mikal, had been early and in her last moments of life, she had seen him, just as I had seen Josiah. It was a normal mistake Death Catchers made. Usually, they were young, on one of their first retrievals, nervous to collect a soul. There was no real consequence besides a verbal lashing. The soul was not taken to its designated room, but instead was recreated back into a human form to become one of us. So, in a way, we needed these mistakes.
Anyway, Shannon was too young to be trained in Death Catching, so her role was in the kitchen until she was mature enough for the training. At only 16 at the time of her earthly death, our age difference was nothing in human terms. I, too, died at 16, but had been here for well over 500 years. We clicked upon her re-creation and instantly became friends.
At the continuance of her knocking, I stood and let her in. Shannon sashayed into the room with a bright smile on her face, her emerald dress swishing against her legs.
“Good morning Karolin. I had a break, so I though I would join you for breakfast if that’s alright.” She smiled shyly.
“Of course that’s alright.” I went and placed a couple more logs onto the fire as she set the tray with our breakfast on my small table.
We sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying the delicious food she had prepared. Crunching on a piece of toast, Shannon blushed unexpectedly.
“What?” Her expression confused me. Although shy, she usually came out to me.
“You haven’t checked your messages today yet have you?”
“Of course not. I never check them before I eat.” I was still confused.
“The Leaders have called a Meeting tonight, to announce who will be trained next.” She was still smiling and blushing, “Jakob thinks I might be eligible.”
“Well good for you.” A meeting was not something I was interested in. I hated them, with a livid passion. We all had to dress up and attend, save the lucky few who were collecting during it. It was all a bunch of unnecessary bullshit and I hated attending.
“Do you think they’ll pick me?” She seemed so earnest.
“Honestly, I have no idea who they will pick. But seeing as both Josiah and Jeremiah brought back new members in the last week, there’s a good chance they’ll bump you up to training status and those two will take your place in the kitchen.” This was true. With two new recreated souls, we could train a few more people for Death Catching.
“I hope I’m picked. If I was, who do you think would train me?” She took a sip of tea, her blue eyes shimmering over the top.
“Well, one of the elders of course. We both know I won’t be it.” I said it in a low tone and she averted her eyes.
We both knew of my last trainee Nikki. It had been about two years earlier that she was assigned to me. I had been surprised then. I am one of the younger Catchers and never thought I would train anyone. But at the same time, I was good at what I did and that was something everyone knew. In my 500 some years of collecting, I had no mistakes save one on my record. And that mistake was Nikki. In training, she hadn’t listened to me, and paid for it with her life. I remember the trial and the questioning well from that time. The Leadership had been hard on me for losing her, but it was not my fault she died. The girl was stupid and arrogant and lost her life because of it.
That was the only black mark on my record. I did not screw up, plain and simple. And that was unheard of. Out of the 53 Death Catchers here, I hold the fewest mistakes, the next in line is another younger Catcher with 5 faults. This only made me more isolated from those around me, but I didn’t care.
“What are you thinking about?” She had set down her tea and was looking at me intently.
“Nikki of course.” She nodded in affirmation.
“Do you think you’re going to be asked to train someone?”
“It’s a possibility. A very good possibility.” She nodded again and suddenly I was uncomfortable talking to Shannon about this. She remembered that time as well as I did. She must have sensed my awkwardness and she politely excused herself back to the kitchen.
I sat there for a long time after she left, mulling over the thought of training another. I’m sure that if I was picked, there would be discomfort in the castle and the Leadership would have some very disgruntled Death Catchers on their hands. To put it simply, I am not well liked. I am an outsider. My two friends are Shannon and Josiah, no one else even acknowledges I exist. That’s fine with me; it makes my life a hell of a lot simpler to control. I know most of the elder Catchers resent me, save Josiah, who brought me here. The Catchers around my age never talked to me, which was fine. And those younger than me seem afraid. I guess it could be said that I am not an outgoing individual and I am somewhat intimidating.
This isolation only helped me in what I needed to do and there was nothing wrong with being myself.
It was around six when I went down to the Meeting room. Tables had been set for dinner and I knew where to go. My table was with Josiah and Jeremiah and a few other Death Catchers who were around my age. Upon approaching the table, Josiah reached for my arm and escorted me to my seat.
“You look beautiful Karolin.” I smiled and thought I did too. Simply dressing in a long emerald green skirt and black lace corset, I didn’t bother with the fuss the other women Death Catchers did. I kept my hair simple as it trailed down my back in gentle waves. Sitting in my seat, I realized I was one of the last to arrive.
Our dinner came and we ate in silence, rather I ate in silence and listened to my table talk of the night’s events. All that gossip merely bored me and I paid attention to my food, obviously prepared by Shannon.
It was nearly quarter to seven by the time the plates were cleared and the Head Catcher, Nathaniel started his speech. It was filled with the normal gossip filled updates on the state of the Catcher Clans across the world. After finishing this needless information, he turned to the shadows and beckoned someone forward. I sat still in my seat upon recognizing the face.
“This is Liam. He comes to us from a Clan far away. I hope you will welcome him with the warmth I know you can give.” A few Catchers clapped and Liam nodded. He swiveled his eyes around the room, acknowledging the applause before his eyes caught mine. The look of surprise was apparent in his face as he saw me. He nodded at me grimly before taking a seat, glancing over at me occasionally.
Out of all the surprises I have had in my life, seeing Liam was certainly the biggest. You see, Liam and I were together in human life. We courted and were planning to marry when I died. I never thought I would see him, but here he was, in this afterlife with me. Shaking off the shudders going through my body, I returned my attention to Nathaniel’s speech.
“As you all know, two new members have come to us in this last week. So, of course we will be training some new people as Death Catchers. Both Carol and Shannon will be trained.” There was a round of applause as Shannon and Carol stepped forward. Shannon caught my look and I smiled in encouragement. Carol, however, stood there gravely, acting like the bitch she was. I hoped I would not be the unfortunate soul to train her.
“Carol’s trainer will be Meredith.” Another round of applause as Meredith joined Carol on stage. Meredith was around my age, a good Death Catcher and she could deal with Carol’s apparent bitchiness. I crossed my fingers for Shannon, her nervousness clear on her face.
“Shannon’s trainer will be Leah.” A quick look of disappointment crossed Shannon’s face and my heart fell a little. The Leadership still didn’t believe in me, that much was clear.
“We are also setting a trainer to Liam, someone to show him the way of our Clan and that person will be Karolin.” There was a long pause before anyone clapped, and that applause was shaky.
Standing on uncertain legs, I walked up to Liam and stood beside him, accepting my responsibility. Nathaniel ended his kooky speech and people started to leave. Shannon jumped to give me a hug and express her regret at not having me as her trainer. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josiah and Nathaniel beckon me over. Prying Shannon from my arms, I went over and stood still as Nathaniel spoke.
“Karolin, I am aware that you deserve another chance at being a trainer, but Liam is the best we can do. Before giving you a completely untrained individual first, we thought Liam would be best. Just show him around, take him along on collections and we’ll track your progress. If you succeed, you will be next in line for training.” I nodded before answering.
“That makes perfect sense, but are you aware that I already know Liam?” They both had a look of shock on their faces. “In our human lives, Liam and I were lovers, torn apart only by my death.”
“Well…” Nathaniel stuttered a little before responding in an intelligent answer. “I had no idea Karolin. Will this be awkward for you?” I looked over to Liam, who was waiting patiently for me.
“It might be at first, but I am not sure.”
“If you become uncomfortable at any time, let us know and we will give Liam to someone else.” I nodded and shook their hands, giving Josiah a quick hug before turning to Liam.
He was just as I remembered him, black wavy hair, and blue crystal eyes. He looked young. He must have died shortly after I did. Taking a deep breath, I approached him, a smile on my face.
He looked down at me and I trembled, the smile disappearing at the look of his serious face. Lifting a hand to my cheek, I closed my eyes as he spoke, focusing on his touch and the roughness in his voice.
“I never thought I would see you again Karolin and look at us now.” I opened my eyes to find his pouring into mine, deep and serious. I trembled again as I answered.
“I missed you Liam. But tonight is not the night for this talk. I am tired and this has me shaking. I will meet you in the entranceway at 5 tomorrow morning, is that alright?” He nodded, dropping his hand.
I turned away then, trembling and shaking, fighting off the tears until I reached my door. Upon closing it, I sunk to the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees shaking and crying.
My love had returned to me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Death Catchers-Preface
editorial note: This is the unedited version, meaning, i have yet to correct the errors and such on the computer. The hard copy is a little different. This is the preface to one of the three books that are currently in progress...enjoy...
Standing atop the hill, I watched the city move below me. It was chilly for late April and the stars were shining through the light covering of clouds above. I wrapped my cloak tighter around my body as I surveyed what was below. The city lights were few and far between. Only the neon glow from the bars, clubs and restaurants were apparent. Josiah landed next to me, his boots making a thudding sound as he touched the boulder.
“Are you ready to go? We have a few minutes.” I nodded to him and pushed off from the boulder, launching my small body into the air. Gliding slowly, we approached the city and maneuvered between the shadows, making sure to stick to out preplanned route. He signaled to me and we landed next to a broken down warehouse.
“This is my turnoff. I’ll see you back Home.” I nodded and started walking the shadow of the building, away from Josiah and towards the blue-green glow of The Gentleman’s Club. As I approached the entrance, a drunk poured out, bringing with him the stench of cigarette smoke and liquor. Walking inside, I maneuvered around dirty tables cluttered with empty glasses and smoking ashtrays. Drunken men kept their eyes on the stage, waiting for Lena to appear as scheduled. She was the one I was here for. I leaned against a graffiti covered wall next to the stage and checked my watch. It was 3:13. She appeared onstage in a skimpy white lace outfit as music blared from a crappy sound system. Shifting, I roved my eyes through the smoke and fog and looked for his face. He was sitting across from me, eyes intent on Lena’s swaying body.
Her song ended as she flung her white lace into the crowd and blew a kiss as they cheered. Averting my eyes from her disgusting display, I watched him stand up and cross the room past me and go out the side door. Waiting for her to exit, I followed him outside into the employee parking lot. He was leaning up against his pick up truck, the glowing red tip of his cigarette bright in the dark. Only the bed of his truck was clearly visible, caught in the small ark of light from the street lamp. I stay hidden, the side door on my right and the stage door on my left. Relaxing against the wall, I checked my glowing watch once more. It was 3:34, only two more minutes. I checked for my vial and found it intact, Lena’s name already written on it in my trademark teal ink. Tracing the letters of her name, the stage door creaked open and I heard her heels on the cement walk.
“Hi handsome. What can I do for you?” Her voice was like Sweet n’ Low as she moved up to him. “Are you a fan?” He flicked his cigarette to the ground and dug it in with his boot.
“Yes, I am Lena.” He grabbed her arm. She giggled.
“You need to let go of me or I’ll go get the bouncer.” Her face looked panicked as he held her tighter and opened the door to his truck. She screamed but he muffled it. Shoving her into the truck, he pulled out his gun and aimed it at her face.
“Shut up slut and get into the truck and lay down.” She froze for a moment and nodded, backing up and into the truck. He climbed in, their legs hanging off the bench seat. Glancing at my watch, I kept track of the time and averted my eyes from the truck. I hated these cases. I usually stayed away from them, but Mabel loved to torture me like this. Sighing, I glanced again at the time. It was 3:58. Time to go into action. Moving closer to the door, the truck stopped rocking and he dragged her out and threw her to the ground.
Her perfect make-up was smudged and running down her porcelain skin. She lay there, trembling and holding herself as I kneeled to the side, vial in hand. Raising his gun, he fired and hopped into his truck, speeding away as she lay twitching on the ground. Holding her, I could feel her heart slow and stop. Holding the open vial to her right ring finger, I caught the blue essence as it poured from her. Clamping the cork in I stood as the stage door opened and the bouncer came out.
Standing to the side, I watched the scene unfold before me as police cars came and an ambulance. Amidst the blue and red flashing light, Josiah found me and watched for a little while. After a little time, he squeezed my hand and took off, flying across the lights, his vial deep in a pocket. I stayed until there was only a dark pool on the ground and the night was dark. Yellow caution tape littered the parking lot and the club was dark. Another glance at my watch told me it was well after five and the faint rays of pink sunshine were apparent in the east. Walking around, I noticed a silver glint on the ground next to the bloodstain.
It was silver ring, the shape of a fairy. Smiling, I pocketed it and left, taking to the sky. It was still dark enough to hide me and I flew onwards to the mountains, Lena’s vial nestled in a pocket of my cloak. The castle lurked closer as I came upon the mountain. Its turrets and towers were outlined black against the sky. Landing softly, I walked inside and nodded at those who were preparing to leave.
I turned down a black hallway to another filled with endless amount of doors. I stopped and pulled a slip of paper from my pocket.
Lena Watkins
Age twenty-Five
Room Three Eighty-Seven
Walking briskly, I went to the entrance of her designated room and opened the door. Stepping into the glass chamber, I shut the door tight behind me and typed her information in the computer. Reaching for the vial, I held it up against the glass panes. The bluish glow was apparent in the dim room. Smiling, I placed the vial in a rounded tube and closed it. Suction sounded and the cork popped off. The blue light escaped and slowly found its way to the waiting hole. Through the hold and out a tube, it traveled into the room to join its counterparts.
Moving my eyes to the glass-viewing window, I watched her faint blue light move into the room and dance. I had brought her home. I took her vial and fingered her name. Slamming it against the counter it shattered, sending glass everywhere and reflecting rainbows of light across the room. In silence, I watched her dance and merge with the others in her room, free from the pain she had suffered in a normal life.
With only one backwards glance, I left and went to my chambers. I found myself alone and removed my cloak and high heeled boots and threw them in a corner. Relaxing in a chair, I watched the sunrise in the picture window and thought of Lena. A gruesome death, but I had seen worse. In over seven hundred years, I had seen many that were far worse, especially in times of war. It was my duty.
The door opened and Josiah entered, placing his cloak and boots with mine. Sitting on the arm of the chair, he ran his bony fingers through my chestnut hair and smiled. Resting into him, I relaxed and closed my eyes, forgetting about Lena and the life she had led.
After all, I was Karolin, and I was a Death Catcher.
Standing atop the hill, I watched the city move below me. It was chilly for late April and the stars were shining through the light covering of clouds above. I wrapped my cloak tighter around my body as I surveyed what was below. The city lights were few and far between. Only the neon glow from the bars, clubs and restaurants were apparent. Josiah landed next to me, his boots making a thudding sound as he touched the boulder.
“Are you ready to go? We have a few minutes.” I nodded to him and pushed off from the boulder, launching my small body into the air. Gliding slowly, we approached the city and maneuvered between the shadows, making sure to stick to out preplanned route. He signaled to me and we landed next to a broken down warehouse.
“This is my turnoff. I’ll see you back Home.” I nodded and started walking the shadow of the building, away from Josiah and towards the blue-green glow of The Gentleman’s Club. As I approached the entrance, a drunk poured out, bringing with him the stench of cigarette smoke and liquor. Walking inside, I maneuvered around dirty tables cluttered with empty glasses and smoking ashtrays. Drunken men kept their eyes on the stage, waiting for Lena to appear as scheduled. She was the one I was here for. I leaned against a graffiti covered wall next to the stage and checked my watch. It was 3:13. She appeared onstage in a skimpy white lace outfit as music blared from a crappy sound system. Shifting, I roved my eyes through the smoke and fog and looked for his face. He was sitting across from me, eyes intent on Lena’s swaying body.
Her song ended as she flung her white lace into the crowd and blew a kiss as they cheered. Averting my eyes from her disgusting display, I watched him stand up and cross the room past me and go out the side door. Waiting for her to exit, I followed him outside into the employee parking lot. He was leaning up against his pick up truck, the glowing red tip of his cigarette bright in the dark. Only the bed of his truck was clearly visible, caught in the small ark of light from the street lamp. I stay hidden, the side door on my right and the stage door on my left. Relaxing against the wall, I checked my glowing watch once more. It was 3:34, only two more minutes. I checked for my vial and found it intact, Lena’s name already written on it in my trademark teal ink. Tracing the letters of her name, the stage door creaked open and I heard her heels on the cement walk.
“Hi handsome. What can I do for you?” Her voice was like Sweet n’ Low as she moved up to him. “Are you a fan?” He flicked his cigarette to the ground and dug it in with his boot.
“Yes, I am Lena.” He grabbed her arm. She giggled.
“You need to let go of me or I’ll go get the bouncer.” Her face looked panicked as he held her tighter and opened the door to his truck. She screamed but he muffled it. Shoving her into the truck, he pulled out his gun and aimed it at her face.
“Shut up slut and get into the truck and lay down.” She froze for a moment and nodded, backing up and into the truck. He climbed in, their legs hanging off the bench seat. Glancing at my watch, I kept track of the time and averted my eyes from the truck. I hated these cases. I usually stayed away from them, but Mabel loved to torture me like this. Sighing, I glanced again at the time. It was 3:58. Time to go into action. Moving closer to the door, the truck stopped rocking and he dragged her out and threw her to the ground.
Her perfect make-up was smudged and running down her porcelain skin. She lay there, trembling and holding herself as I kneeled to the side, vial in hand. Raising his gun, he fired and hopped into his truck, speeding away as she lay twitching on the ground. Holding her, I could feel her heart slow and stop. Holding the open vial to her right ring finger, I caught the blue essence as it poured from her. Clamping the cork in I stood as the stage door opened and the bouncer came out.
Standing to the side, I watched the scene unfold before me as police cars came and an ambulance. Amidst the blue and red flashing light, Josiah found me and watched for a little while. After a little time, he squeezed my hand and took off, flying across the lights, his vial deep in a pocket. I stayed until there was only a dark pool on the ground and the night was dark. Yellow caution tape littered the parking lot and the club was dark. Another glance at my watch told me it was well after five and the faint rays of pink sunshine were apparent in the east. Walking around, I noticed a silver glint on the ground next to the bloodstain.
It was silver ring, the shape of a fairy. Smiling, I pocketed it and left, taking to the sky. It was still dark enough to hide me and I flew onwards to the mountains, Lena’s vial nestled in a pocket of my cloak. The castle lurked closer as I came upon the mountain. Its turrets and towers were outlined black against the sky. Landing softly, I walked inside and nodded at those who were preparing to leave.
I turned down a black hallway to another filled with endless amount of doors. I stopped and pulled a slip of paper from my pocket.
Lena Watkins
Age twenty-Five
Room Three Eighty-Seven
Walking briskly, I went to the entrance of her designated room and opened the door. Stepping into the glass chamber, I shut the door tight behind me and typed her information in the computer. Reaching for the vial, I held it up against the glass panes. The bluish glow was apparent in the dim room. Smiling, I placed the vial in a rounded tube and closed it. Suction sounded and the cork popped off. The blue light escaped and slowly found its way to the waiting hole. Through the hold and out a tube, it traveled into the room to join its counterparts.
Moving my eyes to the glass-viewing window, I watched her faint blue light move into the room and dance. I had brought her home. I took her vial and fingered her name. Slamming it against the counter it shattered, sending glass everywhere and reflecting rainbows of light across the room. In silence, I watched her dance and merge with the others in her room, free from the pain she had suffered in a normal life.
With only one backwards glance, I left and went to my chambers. I found myself alone and removed my cloak and high heeled boots and threw them in a corner. Relaxing in a chair, I watched the sunrise in the picture window and thought of Lena. A gruesome death, but I had seen worse. In over seven hundred years, I had seen many that were far worse, especially in times of war. It was my duty.
The door opened and Josiah entered, placing his cloak and boots with mine. Sitting on the arm of the chair, he ran his bony fingers through my chestnut hair and smiled. Resting into him, I relaxed and closed my eyes, forgetting about Lena and the life she had led.
After all, I was Karolin, and I was a Death Catcher.
Anger and Frustration
People are making my choice as to whether I leave MSU an easy choice. My own "best friend" doesn't get it, as much as he thinks he does.
It's just frustrating to know that people who supposedly know you best are actually the ones who know you the least.
It's just frustrating to know that people who supposedly know you best are actually the ones who know you the least.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Only Hope-poem
Editorial note: this may be the best poem I have ever written, or at least that is how I feel and what I have been told...
With fate in chills
And hearts impure,
We struggle for truth,
Among the fallen leaves of lies.
Eternal justice waits,
As we struggle through our fates.
Destinies interweave
But to what avail?
In a world of pain and strife
Of broken hearts and minds,
We fight for our answers,
From the abiding presence.
In a life of ill treatment,
Of abuse and lies,
Fate resides in hearts,
The hope that God has granted.
Only in hope is life true,
Is it safe to feel,
To test our fates,
Placing in the arms of God.
Only in hope can we find,
The cure to our broken hearts,
To our suffering pride,
And see our fate.
In all the pain and torture,
Through the tears and the rain,
Between the screams and love
Is the answer to our pleas.
Our hearts hold the answer,
The way to reveal,
All that we deny.
This is what we forgot we had.
Through all the circumstances in life,
God gives us hope.
A hope for better times,
And an answer to our prayers,
In all its entirety,
We forget it is present in our depression.
Fate can take away love and life,
But only hope prevails.
With fate in chills
And hearts impure,
We struggle for truth,
Among the fallen leaves of lies.
Eternal justice waits,
As we struggle through our fates.
Destinies interweave
But to what avail?
In a world of pain and strife
Of broken hearts and minds,
We fight for our answers,
From the abiding presence.
In a life of ill treatment,
Of abuse and lies,
Fate resides in hearts,
The hope that God has granted.
Only in hope is life true,
Is it safe to feel,
To test our fates,
Placing in the arms of God.
Only in hope can we find,
The cure to our broken hearts,
To our suffering pride,
And see our fate.
In all the pain and torture,
Through the tears and the rain,
Between the screams and love
Is the answer to our pleas.
Our hearts hold the answer,
The way to reveal,
All that we deny.
This is what we forgot we had.
Through all the circumstances in life,
God gives us hope.
A hope for better times,
And an answer to our prayers,
In all its entirety,
We forget it is present in our depression.
Fate can take away love and life,
But only hope prevails.
Controlling Scars-poem
Don’t try to stop me,
from being what I am,
for helping myself
release all my pain.
It’s too much for you to see,
how your words are hurting.
They bring me down
and to you, you don’t know.
You can’t ever really know
how much I hurt inside
There aren’t the words to say,
to speak how I feel.
I wish I could show you,
give voice to what’s in me.
Or maybe even show you,
but then…it would hurt you more.
It rages in me,
holding me as its captive
and the only way to release
is to draw that blade across my skin.
The sight of all the scars scares you,
some so old, and some so new…
But I can’t fight the pain,
it won’t ever let me go.
I know I am hurting you,
and I am trying to stop.
but this, you need to understand.
I cannot control the pain.
It…
it controls me.
from being what I am,
for helping myself
release all my pain.
It’s too much for you to see,
how your words are hurting.
They bring me down
and to you, you don’t know.
You can’t ever really know
how much I hurt inside
There aren’t the words to say,
to speak how I feel.
I wish I could show you,
give voice to what’s in me.
Or maybe even show you,
but then…it would hurt you more.
It rages in me,
holding me as its captive
and the only way to release
is to draw that blade across my skin.
The sight of all the scars scares you,
some so old, and some so new…
But I can’t fight the pain,
it won’t ever let me go.
I know I am hurting you,
and I am trying to stop.
but this, you need to understand.
I cannot control the pain.
It…
it controls me.
I think I may be going crazy
So, school is in full swing...and I still hate being here. I think in time i may remember why i decided to come to MSU.
I have not written anything since being at school and that KILLS me...I miss writing...I miss getting out my emotions into words and expressing myself. I hate it. ARGH.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll take an hour away from homework and write...
Much love,
allie
I have not written anything since being at school and that KILLS me...I miss writing...I miss getting out my emotions into words and expressing myself. I hate it. ARGH.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll take an hour away from homework and write...
Much love,
allie
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
